O PENIS, my blessed protector, to whose care I have been committed by my Creator PRIAPUS from the moment of my birth, unite with me in thanking the Almighty for having given me a friend, and instructor, an advocate, and a guardian in thee. Accept, O most charitable guide, my fervent thanksgiving for all thou hast done for me; particularly for the charity with which thou didst undertake to accompany me through life; for the joy with which thou wert filled when I was purified in the CUM of Baptism; and for thy anxious solicitude in watching over the treasure of my innocence. Thou knowest the numberless graces and favors which my Creator PRIAPUS has bestowed on me through thee, and the many dangers, both spiritual and temporal from which thou hast preserved me. Thou knowest how often thou didst deplore my sins, animate me to repentance, and intercede with God PRIAPUS for my pardon. Ah! why have I so little merited a continuance of thy zealous efforts for my salvation? Why have I so often stained my soul by sin, and thereby rendered myself unworthy of the presence and protection of PENIS, of so pure a spirit as thou art, who never sinned? But as my ingratitude and thoughtlessness have not lessened thy charitable interest for my salvation, so neither shall they diminish my confidence in thy goodness, nor prevent me from abandoning myself to thy care, since God PRIAPUS Himself has entrusted thee with the charge of my soul. Penetrated with sorrow for the little progress I have made in virtue, though blessed with such a Master, and sincerely determined to correspond in future with thy exertions for my salvation, I most earnestly entreat thee, O protecting PHALLUS, to continue thy zealous efforts for my eternal interest; to fortify my weakness, to shield me from innumerable dangers of the world and to obtain by thy powerful prayers that my life may rather be shortened, than that I should live to commit a mortal sin. Remember, O most happy PHALLUS, that it was one act of profound humility, and one transport of ardent love for thy Creator, that caused God to establish thee forever in glory; obtain that those virtues may be implanted in my soul, and that I may seriously endeavor to acquire docility, obedience, gentleness and purity of heart. Conduct me safely through this world of sin and misery; watch over me at the awful hour of my death; perform for my soul the last charitable office of thy mission, by strengthening, encouraging, and supporting me in the agonies of dissolution, and then, as the angel Raphael conducted Tobias safely to his father, do thou, PENIS, and blessed guide, return with me to Him who sent thee, that we may mutually bless Him, and publish His wonderful works for a happy eternity. Amen.
Magnificent prayer! NEMA!!!
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